Tired, Exhausted, Worn out

I feel really tired today.
Just don't feel like doing anything.
Feeling a bit chilly too.
I can't open my eyes now.
I need to rest now.
Goodnight my wonderland.

Dear Lemon,

Thank you for the remedy.

Inexplicable

I should begin my day just like any other days, putting on clothes, wearing make-up, styling my hair, grabbing everything in boh hands and rushing to school. The word 'rush' is applied to my every day routine irrespective how early I get up. Reason? The more time I have, the more fussy I am on my attire. This one fails to match with that one, that one can't go well with this one ........ It's endless no matter how full the wardrobe is. I carried on with my usual routine and thought that it would be just another perfect day. Things in mind: Go to the Telekom Office to fix the upgrading stuff, go to one of the boutiques to spend a few bucks, go to the agency to book the tickets, go to the photostat shop to make several copies of notes ......

Things changed the moment it entered second period. Something was wrong after I got up from downstairs. I could feel my heartbeat, I could even hear it. It was pumping rapidly, as though I'd just completed a 400-metre track. What 's going on? Back to my place, sat for a moment, yet the throbbing sensation could still be clearly felt. I did not have a choice as I had to enter a class on the third period. I left the common room earlier by 5 minutes and I took a really slow and steady walk to the classroom. First time since the beginning of the year that I actually allowed myself to walk in such a small pace and it took me 5 minutes to reach the block. Luckily it was their revision time and I needn't teach. I never sat down in class before unless I'm conducting the oral test as I always bear in mind that teachers mustn't sit during the lesson. I surrendered today. The moment I reached the class, I went straight to the teacher's table and sat there till the next bell rang. After class, I returned to the common room and sat still without doing anything. Everything returned to normal till the break. After the break, I went to another class and I was perfectly normal, just like the usual energetic me. I talked aloud in the class, I carried out the discussion with students and things went on smoothly again. However, the throbbing sensation came back again at around noon. This time, I could tell that it was even worse than morning. I had to enter another class half an hour later and it was not an invigilation. That means I had to teach in the class. Couldn't be bothered by it anymore, I had to finish my job by hook or by crook. I walked gently to the classroom only to notice that they were actually about to arrange the desks for the exam. What a relief! I urged them to do it on their own and I got myself a place to sit not far from the classroom. 15 minutes passed and their work was almost done. Well, I went back and asked them to study on the coming paper. I told them that the paper is very important. Those cute girls told me that they are scared of this paper even when I assured them that it was just about calculations. I sat at the back and watched the class from the back. Some students from the next door popped in without realising that I was actually in the classroom. I was counting my blessings for having such a wonderful class with a bunch of wonderful girls. They did not create any trouble nor run around like monkeys even though I was not teaching.

I waited for ages for the bell to ring and I left the class immediately. Grabbed my bags and hopped into my car and sped off. Went straight home and forced myself into sleep. When I opened my eyes again, I found that it was getting late and the rain had started. I had no time for all the things which I had arranged in advance. Looks like I have to cramp everything in one tomorrow. Hopefully nothing similar happens tomorrow. Thank goodness.

My daughter

Ms X’s daughter cried today. She cried during the exam. Nobody could stop her from crying and hiding herself. Ms X did not have a clue on what she was supposed to do. That paper is very important and she can’t afford to see her daughter fail the paper. Ms X tried to persuade her, but she ignored that. Ms X had to seek help from the counselor. After much coaxing by the counselor, her daughter finally raised her head and began writing. Ms X felt really heart-broken as her daughter had promised her for numerous times that she would be a cheerful girl. After so much of disappointment, Ms X was still willing to believe that one day she will see a brand new daughter who will laugh louder than any other human on earth. She is still waiting, waiting for new hope to arise. She wanted to go through this with her daughter, so she made an unwise decision by telling her that if she refused to wake up, she would squat beside her until she lifted her head. Ms X knew that she shouldn’t and couldn’t do that. She felt sorry for her daughter. She just wanted to tell her daughter that if only she could squat beside her for a longer moment, she would not hesitate to do so. But if she was to do that, she wouldn’t know what would happen later. Ms X is still being very positive now and she strongly believes that she will see a difference in her daughter one day. She will wait; keep waiting regardless of how long it would take. She is not giving up her hope, as she believes that miracle will happen one day. Perhaps, it is not a miracle, it is just something which will eventually happen, and it is just a matter of time…

To Zanarkand

Share a wonderful song with whoever reading this blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owH8lxrJe_I&feature=related

Do I know you?

I'm sorry,
I thought I knew you
I didn't mean to stare.
Was that a smile of recognition
Just before that worried glare?
You're right, you're not the person
The girl I knew had hope
You're depressed and getting older
You can hardly seem to cope
She was young and full of energy
There was nothing she couldn't do
She had faith and joy and laughter
No, you're right. She wasn't you
Promise me if you see her
You'll tell her that I care
And I miss her looking back at me
From that mirror, over there

commented, removed, commented, removed...

If you decide to comment on my post, kindly do not remove it. It's a very frustrating act!
If you always change your mind, then don't comment please.

A Promise

Yellow, promise me that you will study hard.
Yellow, promise me that you will not turn silver again.
Yellow, promise me that you will lead a happy life.
Yellow, promise me that you will never follow my footstep.
Yellow, promise me that you will live a happier life than before.
Yellow, promise me that you won't let yourself feel regretful on whatever you could be missing in future.
Yellow, promise me that you won't give up on hope.
Yellow, promise me that you will be happy now, happier tomorrow, and the happiest forever.
Yellow, promise me that you will never be the second Lonely Pam who can no longer overwrite her history...
Life, is meant to be enjoyed, not destroyed.
Please bear in mind.

Because I care as how a teacher should care

A student failed to understand why I took her drawing away in the midst of exam.
There are too many question marks in her head.
Being granted a chance to study and sit for exam is a blessing.
But human beings just don't seem to understand this and they simply wouldn't bother to appreciate that.

A teacher who couldn't be bothered by what her students do in whatever circumstances, I must say, is a disgrace to the education line. I, as a teacher, am fully responsible for the future of my students. I want them to grab every minute that they have to perform in the exam. Is drawing a portrait something that can't be delayed? Will this piece of drawing ever help in the exam? I wonder...

On the first day I entered this profession, I swore to myself that as long as I'm still breathing, I will keep on being busy body, especially on students' affairs.

YOU CAN HATE ME! But you can never stop me from concerning about your future. Your future, lies in my hand. If I fail as a teacher, I will fail in my life and there's no point for me to live without fulfilling my mission.

Now, do you get it?

My territory is being invaded!

I don't have enemies. Neither do I have untold secret. Therefore I never want to restrict my territory. I welcome everyone to my empire. I welcome everyone with my arms widely opened. But... but... but... SOME people are real jerks. They don't care whether you like it or not, they just want to unveil everything about you. This gives me an unsecured feeling that I'm kind of being nude in front of all eyes. Before one tries to do something, can one please think of one's identity, think of who you are, what position you are in. I really hope that there won't be any feeling of hatred in future but if this 'unwelcomed creature' were to carry on with that stupid act, I'm afraid I will have to accept the fact that I finally have my very first enemy, first in 30 years.

My present

Dear students,

You need not give me anything tomorrow. The biggest gift is to see you gals being cheerful, cute and healthy always. However, I think all of you should give cards to all your subject teachers. Well, it is a form of appreciation. Thanks anyway!

'Happy' Teacher's Day

Today is a special day, very remarkable, unforgettable, but regretful…
A teacher told herself and her students that she merely wanted them to maintain their usual ranking, and that was yesterday…
The teacher changed her mind this morning when she arrived in school…
She said this aloud, ‘I want to win! I want you to win!’
But then, why? All this while, she didn’t seem to bother what the outcome would be as she always told herself that it was a redundant work.
She couldn’t figure out why? She stopped students from watching their competitors’ performance. She did not want them to feel the threat. She just wanted them to put up their usual performance, without any pressure. But, she gave them a false hope. She convinced them that there was a chance to be crowned champion again. She thought she knew the game pretty well…
She thought she couldn’t be bothered by the outcome, be it better or worse…
She wondered why she broke into cold sweat, developed sweaty palms, and her heart throbbed wildly beyond control…
She felt really painful, as painful as ever. She would rather penetrate her heart with a dagger than having to go through that moment of disappointment.
Students were sobbing… like a child who had lost his well treasured toy.
She wanted to cry too, but, she knew that she shouldn’t for she had a nobler job to carry out. As a teacher, she knows very well that she can’t be an emotional animal. There must be no shedding of tears, particularly in front of someone who looks up on you as their example.
She can’t take it… Her heart sank… She felt painful, very painful… She could feel it in the deepest part of her heart…
As a teacher, there is nothing much that she could do to revert this, and there is nothing much that she could do to make herself feel better. This… is life, life as a teacher, who can’t leave her responsibilities behind. They are on her shoulder, and they will always be there… She knows, that she will never let go until her last breath…
Happy Teacher’s Day!

Happy Teacher's Day

Dearest Pam,

Happy Teacher's Day!
Hope that you are 'happy' on that day.

Now you write, now you remove!

I found a rather strange thing happening in this blog. Hmm... The blog has been visited and commented but the comments were removed after a short while.
???
I don't get it. If you want to comment on my blog, why can't you just do and accept it?
Removing the comments is an act of cowardness.
If you want to say something, please say it without putting too much of doubt in your lines.

Indigestion

Feeling unwell for the past dew days, terrible feelings of uneasiness. My body is protesting, playing tantrums... Forgot when the indigestion started... Can't eat much... body fails to digest the food I consumed... hardly feel hungry...
I feel like taking a day or two off... But, doing so would break my zero MC record... If I could stand more terrible sickness in the past, why am I choosing to surrender now?
Must do something to stop the indigestion!
ENO? Tried but failed.
Lacto-fibre? Tried but failed.
Drink plenty of fluid? No time for water...
What to do, what to do?
Just ignore it, may be?
I just don't want to break the record. Let's keep it clean........

Say Goodbye to Italy

Dear Italy,

This is Pam. I'm supposed to visit you end of this month as planned.
I've bought tickets, beautiful clothes (for picture taking purpose), new luggage case etc.
I've exchanged Ringgit into Euro......
I've prepared everything for you, for you, for you to hold my hands throughout my journey from Venice to Rome......
Oh, gondola! Please forgive me for not able to cruise along the Grand Canal with you.
Oh, Pisa leaning tower! Please forgive me for not being able to support you at the ground.
Oh, Wishing well! Please forive me for not being able to tell you my wish now......
Oh, Juliet's balcony! Please forgive me for not being able to look at you like what Romeo did.....
Oh, Italy! Please wait for me to come, not now, but later......
Don't blame me, dear...
For This is not what I wanted...
I's the SWINE FLU! INFLUEZA A!
That bloodiful! You are the culprit who separates me from my Italy!
Hate you, hate you, hate you, hate you, hate you, hate you........................
T.T
Goodbye, Italy..... I didn't mean to betray you ......